I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
