whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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