she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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