yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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