i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
