I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you made out with another girl for some wings
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
