i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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