Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize