Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
