Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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