It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
