Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
