so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
