my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
