i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
