Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
