Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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