I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
