now i know why i became what i already was.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
