They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
God, I missed his penis.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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