just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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