chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
