just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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