i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
