She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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