What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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