I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
