No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize