In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
