do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
