It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
