We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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