its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize