Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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