Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize