i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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