I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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