No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
