when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
