I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
