he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
