a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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