I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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