party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
