Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
