I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
