Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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