I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
