Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
