My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
