i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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