I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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