She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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