i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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