happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
