So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
