Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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