I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
