this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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