I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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