Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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