I'm lost and stupid without you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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