apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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