just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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