He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
