please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
