It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
