dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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