I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
