So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
