U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
