I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize