hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
