Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
