are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
